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| Tuesday
April 20 2004. |
SAUSAGES.
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From the Just-When-You-Thought-You-Knew-Someone Department: Beth and I
had a 45 minute discussion last night on the topic of breakfast sausage.
The question was: Links or Patties. And it was quite the spirited
debate.
She said it was no contest: patties by a landslide.
Patties? Patties? She's got to be kidding. How can anyone
prefer the hockey puck-like ground up patty in favor of the juicy and
tender goodness of the link?
Well, at least I have an out now if I decided to dump her
(she has 41 outs already lined up, to answer your question).
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AMAZING.
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45 MINUTES.
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DOG CATCHER.
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Beth:
"The Amazing Jonathan is a magician, isn't he?"
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It begs the
question. Just how dull is my life that I have to discuss breakfast
meats for 45 minutes?
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Is it good luck or bad luck to have the local dog catcher wish you a happy
birthday? It happened to me yesterday. I don't know what the hell it
means (or if I even care).
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LOGO.
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STARS.
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Holy
crap. I just spent the last hour and a half playing with the different
background colors of this logo:
And I settled on black. Stupid dumb waste of time.
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"Naming a star makes a marvelous, eternal gift for anyone. From parents to spouses to top employees,
everyone appreciates the unique present of their very own star to look to in the sky.
The perfect gift for a loved one! An eternal home for your name in the night sky!
Officially recorded by Universal Star Council! Amazing packages for any budget!"
And I wasted 17 years of my life
trying to earn a living at CVS when I could have sold naming-rights to
vague pieces of the solar system instead.
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WINDOWS 84.
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Amazing,
Sausages, 45 Minutes, Logos, Windows 84, Stars, Dog Catcher, Jack, and A
Public Service. |
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For
me birfday, Bethy bought me Office 2003, the Professional Edition. Only
one tiny problem: The dang thing only works on Windows XP and
unfortunately I have ancient Windows 84 or something. Hmm. Is there a pirated copy
around somewhere? Aha! Barney may have it. My hero.
(Jeez, and I give the
guy so much grief...)
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JACK.
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A PUBLIC SERVICE.
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| Oh,
sorry. I suppose I should explain the dog catcher bit. Yesterday
morning, a stray Jack Russell terrier decided to adopt me. He spent the
good part of three hours wandering around my backyard, jumping at the
sliding glass door, and hanging out on my deck chairs. I, in return,
gave him some water, played Eat The Stick with him, and let him sit on
my lap. Of course, he had
no doggy tags, so I didn't know what to do with him. And he sure as hell
wasn't about to go back home. So that's where the dog catcher came in.
Fortunately, the dog catcher lady said that she'd picked this dog up
before, so I'm sure he's been reunited with his family by now.
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If
anyone is planning on traveling abroad, here are some French, Spanish,
and German translations of useful phrases:
There's a corpse on the bed. Please change the sheets.
1. Il y a un cadavre sur le lit. S'il vous plaît, faites changer les draps.
2. Hay un muerto en mi cama. Por favor, cambie las sábanas.
3. Da liegt eine Leiche auf dem Bett. Bitte wechseln sie die Laken.
You're very pretty for a foreigner.
1. Vous êtes très jolie [joli], pour une étrangère.
2. Usted es muy guapa [guapo] para ser extranjera.
3. Du bist sehr schön für eine Ausländerin.
Your country has such lovely dirt.
1. Votre pays a une saleté vraiment charmante.
2. ¡La suciedad de su país es tan agradable!
3. Euer Land hat so reizenden Schmutz.
My wife fell overboard about ten miles back.
1. Ma femme est tombée par-dessus bord, il y a quinze kilomètres.
2. Mi esposa se cayó al agua unos quince kilómetros atrás.
3. Meine Frau ist vor ungefähr fünfzehn Kilometern über Bord gefallen.
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2000-2004 by gja.
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