4:59 PM………Failure. Glenn gets up and packs. 3 jerseys, 4 bats, 2 T-shirts, 4 sweatbands, 2 towels, 2 pairs of socks, 1 tin of Altoids.

5:23 PM………Nap attempt #2.

5:47 PM………Failure #2. Time to put the coffee on.

6:00 PM………Barney comes home and Glenn and Barney commiserate on how stupid they are for signing up to play in an all-night all-day all-sore never-ending tournament.

6:24 PM………Another nap is considered, but Beth and the Juiced-Up Puppy arrive and any hopes of peaceful sleep is quickly shelved.

7:05 PM………After a dinner of Chinese take-out, Glenn and Barney change into their softball duds.

7:25 PM………Glenn and Barney pile into Barney's truck and head out to their first game which, incidentally, is not part of the tournament, but rather the final playoff game from their church league. Nothing quite like an extra game tacked on.

8:07 PM………McLean Blue scores 9 runs in the first inning and the tone for the evening is set.

8:55 PM………Fairlington loses by 5 runs and finishes second to McLean Blue for the third consecutive year.

9:00 PM………Beth pulls up in the parking lot and our 3 heroes head out to Alexandria.

9:32 PM........."No, according to MapQuest, you take a right off of the Beltway.  Oh, wait.  I'm looking at the directions coming back from the fields.  Whoopsies."

9:41 PM………The team arrives and gathers around its fearless manager Buck as he goes over strategy and the rules. Strategy? Rules? Come again? Barney chats on his cell phone and Glenn asks inane questions like, "What's that you drew there, Buck? That can't be a softball diamond--it's got 5 sides!"

10:00 PM………Game 1 begins with In Living Color in a state of confusion, not knowing what positions they're playing.

10:03 PM………The opposition begins scoring runs.

10:12 PM………In Living Color does not to score too many runs.

10:13 PM………Beth strikes out.

10:18 PM………Glenn loses a ball in the lights.

10:25 PM………The opposition scores more runs.

10:27 PM………Barney strikes out.

10:35 PM………In Living Color tries to score even less runs.

10:37 PM………Beth strikes out again.

10:55 PM………The opposition is pleased with themselves as they have scored many more runs than In Living Color, who have been too busy with other things (such as trying to figure out the lineup) to score many runs.

11:00 PM………Loss #1.

11:05 PM………Krispy Kreme is just 2 minutes away!

11:49 PM………3 dozen donuts later (and 20 minutes driving time later), the team regroups for its second game at 1 AM.

SATURDAY 12:15 AM………Barney announces he's tired already.

12:34 AM………After watching a team called The Smoothies destroy their opponent, In Living Color agrees that they certainly don't want to play against them.

1:00 AM………Smoothies vs. In Living Color.

1:14 AM………In Living Color is up 5-4!

1:15 AM………Hey look: The Smoothies just scored 58 runs.

1:31 AM………Is there a slaughter rule in this tournament?

1:56 AM………Barney tries to tag a runner out when the only way to get the guy out is to get the ball home. What is this, cricket rules?

2:00 AM………Barney vows not to be on his cell phone the next time someone goes over rules. Welcome to Loss #2.

2:20 AM………In Living Color gets in a little batting practice on a vacant field.

2:33 AM………In Living Color looks pretty good in practice.

2:35 AM………Glenn says, "Hey, if we play against ourselves then at least half of us will win."

2:53 AM………The next opponent shows up. In Living Color eyes them and decides that they're a bunch of scrubs whom they should easily beat.

3:10 AM………Tie ballgame: 5-5.

3:22 AM………Tie ballgame: 9-9.

3:37 AM………Tie ballgame: 11-11.

3:55 AM………Bad Guys-12, Good Guys-11.

4:00 AM………Chalk it up. Loss #3.

4:05 AM………Steve L. (whose team is undefeated) wanders by to see how In Living Color is doing. Growls from everyone.

4:17 AM………Time to break out the survival kit: coffee, Cheese-Its, Pepsis, vegetable dip, Strawberry Bubblicious, and tortilla chips.

4:29 AM………Sean and Diane sack out. Darrell curls up into a sleeping bag and is instantly tagged The Big Blue Balding Slug. In Living Color may be winless, but they have plenty of punchiness to go around.

4:55 AM………In pre-game warm-ups, Barney rips a fart that clears the bench. "Dammit Barney, my mom is here," says Buck.

5:00 AM………Game #4.

5:10 AM………And here they go again.

5:18 AM………Playing catcher, Vicky gets hit with a pitch that bounces off the plate and smacks her square in the right eye. Vicky is quickly dubbed The Lucky One.

5:23 AM………Buck slams a 340-foot homer, but Beth trips going around second and Buck passes her. Yer out!

5:40 AM………More bad hitting, bad fielding, bad base running, bad pitching, bad throwing, and bad gas.

5:58 AM………With the bases loaded and the tying run on third, Glenn strikes out looking* to end the game and proceeds to go ballistic. Loss #4.

6:05 AM………Barney and Glenn are ostracized for stinking (in their own separate ways).

6:15 AM………In Living Color is informed that even if they win their next game, they won't proceed to the second round. Faint cheers from everyone.

6:25 AM………Everyone pretty much looks like ass.

6:36 AM………The sun comes up and it starts to get comfortably warm. A little too comfortably warm. Sleeeeeeeep.

6:38 AM………Barney announces that he's staying up until 9 at night so his sleep pattern won't be ruined.

6:59 AM………The final game.

7:09 AM………And yes, the tradition continues.

7:20 AM………After walking 98 consecutive hitters, Judd slams the ball down and storms off the mound.

7:31 AM………In Living Color begins to hit intentional ground balls to get the game over.

7:32 AM………Only a minute gone by? Ah shit……

7:33 AM………Jesus……

7:34 AM………They're dying out there! Someone do something!

7:44 AM………Glenn believes he sees 3 pink rabbit-headed gazelles cavorting in the right field corner.

7:59 AM………The umpire sets In Living Color free by announcing, "And that's the ballgame!"

8:00 AM………Loss #5. Pack it up, folks.

8:05 AM………Glenn, Barney, and Beth pile into their cars and head back to Fairfax. Glenn gets 10 minutes of sleep while he's driving.

8:45 AM………Barney crashes on the couch with SportsCenter on (so much for staying up, Barney) and Glenn and Beth retire to the backyard to try to sleep sitting up in 2 plastic deck chairs.

8:58 AM………The Juiced-Up Puppy is awake after being locked in Glenn's room for 11 hours. Glenn considers giving him a beer or 12 to put him back to sleep.

9:21 AM………The neighbors are out in their backyard and surely must think Glenn and Beth are still stoned or drunk from the night before.

9:33 AM………Beth puts some Calamine lotion on the poison ivy on her arm and stares at it for a good 15 minutes as it dries.

9:45 AM………Beth finally goes down to the bedroom to sleep. Glenn considers locking the Juiced-Up Puppy in a closet for a couple of hours.

10:29 AM………After eating several sticks, chasing 2 squirrels, and biting Glenn's nose non-stop, the Juiced-Up Puppy turns into Semi-Relaxed Puppy. Glenn seizes him by the collar and drags him downstairs where the bed finally awaits.

10:47 AM………Glenn tries to figure out when his next game is as he slowly drifts off.

So, anyone wondering why I haven't written a journal entry lately?