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Adam
- Bass player.
Adrienne
- Darrell's
wife and co-manager of the old Fins team.
Amoeba
- One of Luke's toys. He shredded that thing in about
9 seconds.
Andrea - Tough-chick ballplayer and
loyal reader. Likes to use the Comment Section as her own personal
email system.
Backyard Grill And Bar -
Old on and off softball team sponsor.
Barney -
Bé's hubby and former roomie of the
Glennster. Barney is best known for getting married in Vegas, being
large, not being able to throw to first base, and
for a low tact quotient.
Bé
- Barney's wifey. She's exceedingly nice, so we're
not really sure why she's with Barney.
Beth - My
schmoopie.
Bob
B - My ex CVS boss.
Bono - Singer.
Cathy -
Hammy's wife. She used to work with Ted Leonsis, but still couldn't get
me into Capitals games for free.
Christie
- I have been reprimanded. She's not neurotic, but rather she has a
"celebrity personality", which I think is a much better
description of her.
Coco -
No relation to the monkey
that once graced the front of Cocoa Puffs boxes. He's married
to Terri (Coco is, not the monkey).
CVS #1411 - The 24-hour store I used to manage, where our motto was
"Forever Open."
Darrell
- Husband to Adrienne
and co-manager of the old Fins team. Known for his slack-jawed spacey look.
David
Arnold - Most of my friends don't know I have 2
brothers. I haven't seen nor heard from him in 10 years. Yup,
long story.
Donna - My mom-in-law. Also known as Millie (Mother-In-Law=M.I.L.=Mil-lie. Got it? Good.)
The Edge - Guitar
player.
Edie
- Used to play ball with us when we begged her. Plus, she's good at spotting
typos and such.
Elaine - Pretty much the only CVS'er that I still talk.
Elaine's good people.
Eric -
Another long story. He was once one of my closest friends, but...
Fairlington - The churchy team I play
on. I've been to the church exactly once.
Fins To The Left -
Our old softball
rivals. Also known as the Squids. Also known as our
minor league team (just kidding, Darrell).
Glenn
Arnold - Idiot.
Hammy
- He's married to Cathy. Really. Funny as hell and used
to be able to hit a softball farther than I've ever seen (further,
too).
Hawks - The coed softball team
I
used to manage.
Jeff - My bro-in-law. He's smarter than 4 of
me.
Jeff - My
pop-in-law. Yeah, Jeff and Jeff. Kinda confusing.
Jim
Arnold
- Pops.
Jim Bouton -
Seriously, you should read Ball
Four. I wish I wrote that.
John
F - I first met John when he stole my girlfriend. Later on, I
ended up liking John a lot better than I liked that girl.
Justin
- The best crackerjack wit around (whatever that
means). Married to Tina.
Kathleen -
My ex-wife. We were married for only 24 days, so it doesn't really
count. It was just practice.
Ken
- He's a rat bastard and a Draft Nazi, but he was my good-luck charm
the first year we
went to Vegas. He also gave me my first paying writing gig.
Kevin Arnold -
Husband to Yolanda, brother to
Glenn and David, friend to all mankind.
Kro -
It's short
for his last name.
Larry - Drummer.
Lauren
- Old on and off coed ballplayer.
Laurie -
Max's
wife. Once gave me a real firefighter's jacket. Cool!
Luke - Anyone remember that
scene in "Parenthood" where Steve Martin's kid has a
bucket on his head and is banging his head against a wall? That
was our dog Luke.
Matt
- He calls me Crack Baby. I call him Chucklehead. We're pals.
Max -
My big Hispanic best friend
who's also Laurie's best friend and husband.
Maria - Chick golfer who kicks my ass every
round I play with her. Not too shabby at softball either.
Meowy-Cowy
- I called her/him Kitty 'cause it was less embarrassing. I
miss that cat.
Mikey O -
He's known for one sentence
he uttered. I don't want to offend certain friends by
repeating
it, but it was the Line Of The Century.
Mike
P - Mike can be quite
the bastard sometimes, but maybe that's why we get along.
Quadriplegic Cow
- Stuffed cow. Excitable dog.
Robin
- Let's see, I've played softball with Robin, worked with Robin, and
partied with Robin. I suppose that pretty
much classifies her as a good friend.
Roy
- Sandra's mate. Out of all of my lunkhead friends, I've known him
the longest, which has to count for something.
Sandra
- Roy's mate. How she puts up with him, I'll never know.
Sheena
- Sheeeeeeena. I'll only return her calls after she calls 3 times. Needless to say, she doesn't call
much anymore.
Sheepbee - Sheep plus
Frisbee equals Sheepbee! Another flat,
scraggly, and odd Lukey toy.
Squeaky Centipede -
It's a squeaky dog with plastic rings around its body. Weird.
Steve
L - He's quiet, but he'll talk to you one-on-one for hours. And
every party that he goes to, he always shows up
last--usually at like 4 in the morning when we're all passed out.
Terri
Arnold - My mom, bless her heart.
Terri
B - Downtown Terri Brown was my favorite Thursday's waitress and
is still my favorite neighbor.
Terri C - Coco's chick. She
used to work in a morgue. Yeesh.
Thursday's - Our
old men's team that was sponsored by--who
else?--Thursday's Sports Bar.
Tina
- Mrs. Justin. Cheery wife and softball mom.
Todd
- He moved to North Carolina quite awhile back, but that didn't cure his
strangeness.
Tony Gwynn
- Except for Ted Williams, Tony is the greatest pure hitter ever. Ever.
Ever.
Trouble - My first dog. And the first dog that I killed.
Vicky
- Our old first baseman (first basewoman) who goes by the nickname Peanut
(for no reason).
Wanda - My sister-in-law. Also known as Sillie
(see Donna above...).
Yolanda
- My sister-in-law. She doesn't speak a whole lot of English, so
it's pretty funny when I see her she says,
"My bró-ther!" and gives me a big hug. Trust me, it's
funny.
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