|
I
don't talk to my neighbors very much despite the fact I'm home 97% of
the time. I occasionally chit-chat with Lois next door if we're both
bringing the trash to the curb at the same time and I'm on
hey-how-are-you terms with the family across the street, but beyond that
my other neighbors don't even get a wave. Pretty rude, huh? Yeah, well,
that's just me. Six neighbors within speaking distance and I don't even
make eye contact with four of them.
But that doesn't mean I'm not concerned about
their welfare. I'm not a total ass, you know. For example, Asian Bob
lives in the house on our left and he's been noticeably absent lately.
Usually, he farts around in his backyard almost every day, but I haven't seen him outside in a month. Actually, it's probably
longer than that. I wonder what's up. I figure he's either out of town
(which would be one hell of a long trip), laid up with some kind of injury
(which would really suck for him since he dearly loves his backyard,
apparently), divorced now (which could be possible), or...dead. Yeesh. I
hope not.
Well, I would go over and talk with his wife
and see what the deal is, but that would be extremely out of character for me,
not to mention horribly awkward. I can see it now:
ME: Hi, I haven't seen your husband around in
awhile. Is he okay?
MRS. ASIAN BOB: And just who are you?
ME: I'm
Glenn. I've lived next door to you for 10 years and I've never talked to
you.
MRS. ASIAN BOB: Oh, you're Boo Radley, right?
Yeah, that ain't gonna happen...
[And you probably want to know why we call him
Asian Bob, right? Well, there are two Bobs on our street so we call him
Asian Bob to differentiate him from the other Bob. Actually, we call
pretty much all of our neighbors some form of Bob, except for Lois next
door. Let's see, we have the other Bob, Mrs. Bob, and the
Boblets across the street, Roberto--because he's Hispanic--next door to
Bob on one side, and finally The Old Bobs on the other side of Bob. Got
it? Oh, plus there's The Freak or The Pagan, whom I've mentioned
before. His backyard backs up to my
backyard. I'd tell you why we call him The Freak and The Pagan, but I'll
save that for another time--once I get some pictures of his gnome
village to post here. Yes, that's right: his gnome village.] |
2000-2007