I didn't realize you people had it so
good. Relaxing at holiday parties. Drinking eggnog
in front of the fire. And even taking your time while you
shop (as opposed to buying the first thing you see
online). Let me tell you, you Non-Retailites have really
capitalized on the whole Merry Christmas Theme, haven't you?
See, I know you all enjoy the
holidays because I've spent the last eighteen Decembers of my
life in retail and now--this year--I've finally seen the other
side of the cash register. And it's wonderful.
You Non-Retailites have never truly
understood what goes on in the lives of Retailites once
Halloween is over. Retailites dread the last two months of
the year. It's nothing but boxes upon boxes of extra stock
and busload upon busload of extra customers. Extra-mean
customers too. Offered the choice, I'd gladly eat my
own vomit if it meant New Year's Eve and Halloween were on the
same night.
But not this year. This year
is different. I'm embracing every little stinking jolly
commercialized piece of Yule that comes my way. I've
finally found the promised land. And I'm naming it Home.
Merry Christmas everyone. And be
nice to those Retailites.
