Someone asked me the other day about
what kind of comments I get in email and
in the guestbook about "Way Out In
Left." Well, besides my mom's comments,
most people are fairly positive. And
being the cordial and polite individual
that I am, I try to reply to most of
them……
To: The "Author"
(Glenn)
From:
1nsyncfan@noesverdad.com
Excuse me, but what is this? It's
very confusing. An "online journal" is
supposed to be an emotional and
intellectual log of one's life. You've
seemed to have drifted well into the
realm of "newspaper columnist" or
something else altogether (God only
knows what!). Maybe you should think
about joining another "webring" that is
"geared" towards that type of
writing.
And by the way, some of the language
you use may not be "appropriate."
Well, I'm sorry you're confused, but
like I mentioned early on, this is mine
and if you don't like it, lump it. Do
YOU have an online journal? If so, I'd
really be interested to hear all about
when you sucked face for the first time
with your gangly pimply-assed new
boyfriend in your parent's trailer while
you watched the season premier of
Dawson's Creek, and then spent
the whole next day at school drawing
pictures on your 99-cent marble
composition book of what you thought his
stubby little boy-penis might look like.
My, that's good reading!
And I did try to join another
webring, but Nazi Writings Online
wouldn't take me. Apparently I didn't
use enough quotation marks for their
tastes.
(But I do apologize for the fucking
language.)
To: Glenn
From: Anonymous
Hey, nice job! Some good stuff
here. One question though: Your
journal is officially called "Way Out In
Left: Beliefs, Controls, and Bologna
Sandwiches." You've talked about your
beliefs and also mentioned bologna
sandwiches a couple of times, but where
are the Controls?
Actually, that's not the official
title. Officially, it's "Shady Graves
Retirement Villa presents
The Funyons-BC Headache Powder 'Way Out
In Left: Beliefs, Controls and Bologna
Sandwiches' Netscape NetCenter Online
Journal, sponsored by
VirtualMasturbation.com, 1,000 Flushes,
and Serenity Undergarments." I
shortened it a bit until I start seeing
those royalty checks roll in (and don't
ask how I managed to get the Holy
Trinity of Bodily Function Products to
sponsor me--I just lucked into that.).
As for the subtitle of "Beliefs,
Controls, and Bologna Sandwiches," well,
part of the problem is that I named this
monstrosity before I even wrote the
first entry. Talking about my beliefs
was a snap, but working in the bologna
sandwiches took a bit of effort. But I
did sort of write about control in the
January 19th entry in which I told the
story of that night I had in Santa Fe
with two bridesmaids, bacon grease, and
a tape measure. Oops. Wait. I deleted
that entry. Never mind.
To: Glenn Arnold
From: Jennifer Kaufman
Hey Glenn! Long time no see! I
love your journal, but
I have a suggestion. Maybe you
shouldn't use people's names, especially
our friend's names. I'm sure most of
the people you talk about are cool about
it, but some of them might get offended,
you know? That's just the way our circle of friends is. Anyway, keep it
up! Hope you're doing well! See you
sometime soon!
Hmm. You do bring up a good point,
Jennifer Kaufman. But on the other side
of the coin, Jennifer Kaufman, I think
it would take something away from the
integrity of it all. Plus, if I made up
aliases for everyone, I'd get confused
as hell, know what I mean, Jennifer
Kaufman?
But being the considerate
individual that I am, Jennifer Kaufman,
I did decide to leave out people's last
names. That way some psycho won't be
able to track anyone down, Jennifer
Kaufman (at 8124 Gatsby Drive in
Arlington, Virginia).
Name: "Orson"
Email Address: (not specified)
Web Address: (not specified)
You're from the DC area, right?
Ever read Tony Kornheiser? He sometimes
writes a column where he answers
supposed "letters" from people. It's
quite funny. Ever thought of doing
something like that? Just an
idea for ya.
Thanks, but I prefer to do my own
stuff.
