Note: Last year around this
time I predicted that in the year 2001 we would have the world's
worst airline disaster of all time.
Note: I also predicted that the
Kansas City Royals would win the World Series.
The year 2002 will be remembered for
many things, most notably a lack of terrorist bombings in
America. However, on the anniversary of September 11th
there will some sort of attack against U.S. interests outside of
the country. Maybe a Willie Nelson concert in Europe
somewhere.
As for recovering from the September
11th attacks, by August we'll all be back to praising Shaggy,
beating up gays, and complaining about the president.
The so-called "war" in
Afghanistan will be over with by May. The Taliban will
surrender and take the martyr route by saying that sneaky ol'
Osama is dead, but he won't be. He'll be in Brazil renting
out Hitler's basement.
The economy will continue on as
normal. Or not. Interest rates will rise or fall, the stock market
will go up or down, and Alan Greenspan and others will say a lot
of things that make absolutely no sense to me because I don't
know jack about economics.
Sports?
Since we had an underdog Super Bowl winner last year, it's time
to go back to an old mainstay this year. The San Francisco
49'ers. Also bet on the Detroit Red Wings, the San Antonio
Spurs (Michael Jordan's team will not even make the
playoffs), and Kentucky's men's basketball team (You heard it
here first: Duke won't make it to the Final Four). And as
for baseball, stick with the Royals. I only need to be
right once.
In business, look for Apple to either go under or be swallowed
up by a bigger fish. We don't care how a computer looks,
we care how it works. Also, airline tickets
will continue to drop to the point that you'll be able to go
anywhere in the continental U.S. for under $100. And right
along with that drop, we'll see the demise of at least 3
airlines, US Airways being casualty #1.
Notable deaths: Ted Williams, Strom Thurmond, Rodney Dangerfield,
Jim Mora (suicide), Ronald Reagan, James Garner, Johnny Cash,
Henry Kissinger, someone from the Backstreet Boys, Dolly
the cloned sheep, Dudley Moore, Darryl Strawberry, and C.C.
Deville from Poison (one can dream, you know). And it's
about time for a new pope too.
Finally, in the world of entertainment, look for Jerry Seinfeld
to have his own TV show again by year's end. Also, U2 will
rack up 4 Grammy awards and "A Beautiful Mind" will
win Best Picture at the Oscar's. Plus, don't be surprised
if Emeril starts doing porno. "Bam!"
His moment in the sun is over.
And
one last little prediction: The most popular toy for
Christmas 2002 will be the Online Journalist Action Figure.
