Everyone, I think, has a defining moment in their childhood
that determines future personality. It's a moment in which a
kid's run-of-the-mill my-head's-too-big-for-my-body life is
somehow changed forevermore.
My Big Moment came in the fourth grade. Our teacher was the
local legend Mr. White. He used to work at the San Diego Wild
Animal Park as a birds of prey expert, so he often brought in
assorted hawks and falcons. We also had several snakes, lizards,
and guinea pigs in cages in the back of the classroom. Of
course, to a fourth grader, this guy was seriously cool. (I'm
not quite sure how parents felt about it, though). He was
probably about the same age back then as I am now. And he
probably acted like I do now. Of course, that's just Theory, but
it makes me smile and nod to think that, so that's my story and
I'm sticking to it.
Anyhow, Mr. White once gave us an assignment to put signs up
around the classroom identifying things such as the fire exit,
the sink, the chalkboard, the fish tanks, etc. I wasn't quite
sure what the point of the exercise was (and I'm not even sure
now), but being the enthusiastic little shits we were, we
happily went around the room with sheets of colored paper and
signed the hell out of the place.
Now, being the slightly precocious kid that I was, I put a lot
of thought into my sign. After all the other kids had put up
their signs, I carefully scrawled my sign on my colored piece of
paper and walked proudly to the front of the room and taped it
to the front of Mr. White's desk. As I turned to go back to my
desk, my classmates began to laugh and then howl at my sign. I
still remember the uncontrollable grin I had as I sat back down.
The sign said "Snapping Turtle."
Fortunately, Mr. White had a sense of humor and took it in the
right spirit (those snakes of his could gulp down a rat the size
of my fourth-grade leg). He quickly wrote out his own sign and
sauntered over to tape it in front of my desk. "Permanent
Fourth-Grader."
I guess that was probably the first time I made people outside
of my family really laugh at something I did. Yeah, the power
and the glory. That one single incident probably power-charged
my still-developing intellect and creativity throughout my
childhood and well into my manhood and beyond.
Then again, maybe I just liked the attention.
And yes, I made it out of the fourth grade.....
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