1. Follow U2 around on tour for a month.
2. Skydive.
3. Actually write 2 journal entries in one day.
4. Punch out a customer at work.
5. Quit smoking.
6. Buy 40 cases of mustard for no reason whatsoever.
7. Scratch without turning it into a rash.
8. Hit one over the fence at Braddock Park.
9. Okay, fine: Hit one over the fence anywhere.
10. Make a leaping catch over the fence in leftfield.
11. Sing in public.
12. Sing well in public.
13. Get a tan.
14. Watch the Padres win a World Series.
15. Spell 'receive' without having to look it up every goddamn time.
16. Buy a Taco Bell.
17. Have my own radio show.
18. Grow my hair long.
19. Ah, fuck it: Grow any hair.
20. Max out my credit cards and drain my checking account (who wants to die with money?).
21. Fart in church one more time.
22. Which means--I suppose--going to church one more time.
23. Write something that gets published--that I actually like.
24. Save one person's life.
25. Be able to shave the back of my neck straight (I can't see it, for chrissakes!).
26. Be married again.
27. Sleep through an entire day ("What? It's Tuesday? Cool……").
28. Have Christmas off from work.
29. Live in San Diego.
30. Have my entire coed team come out for a game without me having to beg them.
31. Play in a band.
32. Get a bologna sandwich at Thursday's.
33. Have a kid.
34. And name him Apocalypse Now Arnold.
35. Punt on first down.
36. Have a dog that actually outlives me.
37. Go on a date with Buffy the Vampire Slayer (sorry Beth).
38. Win a bet. Any frickin' bet.
39. Drive a city bus for a day.
40. Have people say, "Wow, he can dance."
41. Have my fingernails cut themselves.
42. Go to Ireland.
43. Get shot.
44. But in the leg, or something like that.
45. Teach my cat how to get a Corona out of the fridge.
46. Live in a tree house for a week.
47. Actually laugh at one of my dad's jokes.
48. Tell everyone exactly what I think of them.
49. Then again, maybe I'll write it down and they can read it after I'm gone.
50. Be truly, totally, and completely at peace with myself.
51. Okay, just one more quick fart in church. Maybe at a wedding or something.