|
| |
|
| Tuesday
June 8 2004. |
3-SPORT CHAMPS.
|
I
think the city of Tampa should be banned from any future championships.
The Buccaneers won the Super Bowl a couple of years back, the Marlins
won the World Series last year (never mind that they play in Miami--no
one really cares about the Devil Rays), and now the Lightning have won
the Stanley Cup. I think the Tampans (Tampa-ites? Tampaninas? Tampons?)
are a little over the limit.
Go, Flames, Go...
|
|
|
FLOATERS.
|
SASE.
|
|
I
did an internet search on why some turds float (please, please, don't
ask) and a website had an answer for me. Sort of:
Q: "Why is it when I take a dump, some are floaters and some are sinkers, even in the same
batch?"
A: "Turds float because of FIBER. If you don't get enough fiber, you don't get floaty
turds. You can solve a fiber-deficient diet problem by frequent heroin abuse, or by shooting yourself in the chest with a sawn-off shotgun and pouring vitamin C tablets into the open wound. This may also lead to orgasm."
I'm thinking maybe I should stay off the internet.
|
With
all the technological advances we've had in the past 50 years or so, how
come we still use self-addressed stamped envelopes (SASE)? Can't we come
up with something a little less primitive than that?
And what about carbon paper? Does anyone still use that stuff?
I have absolutely no idea why I'm asking these questions. I think I must have an office supply fetish or something.
|
|
|
USELESS.
|
102.
|
|
Barney: "The poor cicadas. They have a totally useless and
meaningless life."
Glenn: "And who's to say that's different than us humans?"
|
Hey,
I shot a 102 in golf last week. That's pretty good for someone who just
took up the game last year, right?
|
|
|
|
FLOWER BUDS.
|
3-Sport
Champs, Useless, Hey Billy-Joe What Da Hell Is That?, SASE, The
Business, Flower Buds, 102, and Floaters. |
|
Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but I made that tuna and capers
dish last night. Not bad. And I do like capers--even after I found out they're actually little
unopened flower buds from some bush. Yum.
|
|
|
THE BUSINESS.
|
HEY BILLY-JOE, WHAT DA HELL IS THAT?
|
Well,
after 3 months of prepping for it, my newsletter business has really
taken off: I have one client. And, of course, it's the same client I had before
I officially started the business (mortgage broker extraordinaire
Kenny).
True, the business is only 2 weeks old, but I was
kinda hoping I'd have at least 3 or 4 clients by now. I sent out 500
marketing postcards and I got a few inquiries, but most of them were for
services that I don't really offer ("Can you do a 20-page
advertising booklet for us?" or "I like those postcards. Can
you do those for me?"). I tried to accommodate them as best
as I could, but I haven't heard back from most of them. Maybe they
didn't like the samples I emailed to them (or maybe the attachment had a
virus).
I think my goal in the near future is to come up with
some more marketing techniques to get my name out there. I need to
network, I suppose.
Hey, maybe Kenny gets to go to mortgage broker conferences. I
could certainly tag along to some of those and hand out business cards
and drink lots of free cocktails. I may not get any new clients, but at
least I'd enjoy myself.
|
This
odd-looking critter was photographed in someone's backyard in backwater
North Carolina. As for what it is, your guess is as good as mine...
|
|
|
|
|
|
2000-2004 by gja.
|
|
