| monday march
12, 2001
(So The Question Is:
Where Exactly Did You Fill In That Bracket?...) |
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Finally, Spring is almost here.
I can get back to one of my favorite activities: lounging on my
deck. There's nothing quite like soaking up the sun,
drinking a couple of Coronas, and sitting on those cheap plastic
deck chairs. You know the ones; you can get them at any
discount store and they come in the absolute worst colors:
white or hunter green. The white ones aren't so bad, except that
during the winter months they seem to collect a thin layer of
brownish film that comes off only with repeated scrubbings of
409. But the hunter green ones are horrible. Not
only does bird shit stand out on them like the Pope in a
cornfield, but out of all of the billion colors in the rainbow,
how did the Cheap Plastic Deck Chair Company come up with hunter
green? Are they supposed to somehow blend in with the
natural colors of your backyard? Do they match your
grass? If so, you'd better either change your brand of
fertilizer or move far away from those overhead power
lines. And another thing, just what exactly is the color
"hunter green?" Although I've never been
hunting, I have just enough brain cells left from my college
haze to know that hunters wouldn't be caught dead (no pun
intended) wearing anything that's hunter green. "Heya
Billy, you get yerself a deer last weekend?" "Why
yep, I sure did, Bobby. That spiffy hunter green jumpsuit that
Marianne bought me did me wonders. Them deer just strolled
right up to me like thems were my bruthers. 'Course, the
deer shit stands out on my jumpsuit like the KKK in the
woods." "Gee Bill, you should try some of that
409, it works great on---
......WE INTERRUPT THIS USELESS AND INCOMPREHENSIBLE
JOURNAL ENTRY FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE WAY OUT IN
LEFT SPORTS DESK........
With March
Madness only a few days away, Way Out In Left author Glenn
Arnold has made his annual Tournament picks which can be found at
the following link: Way Out In Left: loser's bracket.
And since Glenn is a Chargers fan, a Padres fan, and a Clippers
fan, we highly recommend that you use Glenn's picks strictly as a
"negative guide" for your own picks. In other words, whatever
teams Glenn has picked, if you pick the opposite, you are bound
to win lots and lots of money!
We now return you
to your regularly scheduled journal entry, already in
progress......
---which really did a fantastic job on
my hemorrhoids, let me tell you. So I suppose, in the end
(no pun intended), there's nothing really wrong with dressing up
your cheap plastic deck chair in cotton panties and a push-up
bra. Unless, of course, you plan on doing a little hunting later
on......
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copyright 2001 by gja |
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