My master plan has backfired.
After meowing to go outside for the
past 2 years, the Amazing Hermaphroditic Pissing Cat got his/her
wish when I tossed her out in the backyard last week. The
final straw was when she peed on my keyboard (I gotta remember
not to use the left 'shift' key--it's got a little bit of a
sticking problem). Plus, she's seriously in heat, so the
little piss stains in the corners of the basement, on the sofa,
in the bathroom, and under my bed have turned a lovely red
color. Out you go!
Well, at first, she just stayed in
the backyard during the day and then I jailed her in the
bathroom at night. But then yesterday she went poof.
Bye-bye backyard. Gone. History. Sad?
Well, as much as that cat ticks me off, I do love her.
Every time I went into the kitchen last night, I peered out the
back door into the darkness, looking for that little white
he/she-devil. I knew in some warped way that I'd miss
her. Then again, I was somewhat relieved (no pun intended)
to finally get my carpets back to their original color (which,
stupidly on my part, is white--what was I thinking?).
But lo and behold, she reappeared
right before I went to bed--and meowed incessantly to come back
in! Jesus. So I tossed her back in Kitty Bathroom
jail and went to bed.
And this morning? Meowing to go
out again. And then meowing to come back in again.
Pissing outside. And then pissing back inside again.
I've created the ultimate
meowing-pissing-inside-outside-on-the-rag cat. I can't get
rid of her, I can't keep her, I can't shut her up, and I can't
stop her from peeing wherever the hell she wants.
Maybe I should just move to North
Dakota. And buy sheep.
