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| Tuesday
March 23 2004. |
GOLFING ALLIGATORS.
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My bathroom reading ("We can't take this book back, it's been flagged. It's been in the bathroom.")
consists of a beginner's golf book. Here's an excerpt:
"If you're looking for your ball along the edge of water or woods, be careful of snakes. Many tropical courses also feature alligators--steer well clear of them."
I guess we can call it "Everything I Need To Know I Learned From A
Golf Book".
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BETH AND I.
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MEDICARE.
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Number
of times I've used the phrase "Beth and I" in the last 14
entries: 8
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According to the Associated Press, the Medicare system will "go
broke" by the year 2019. Let's see, I will be 50 that year.
Great, just in time.
(And in related news, Health and Human Services says that Social Security will "go broke" in 2042. I
will be 73 that year, but I'm not worried 'cause I'll be dead.)
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GUILT.
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TITTY BARS.
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| What
is guilt? Guilt is not returning phone calls from a friend who is going
through a bitter divorce and is having her kids temporarily taken from
her by the department of social services. That's guilt. And
insensitivity.
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I
go to strip clubs for the music.
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INHALING AEROSOL.
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Some
good email traffic today. In our fantasy baseball league, Hammy was on
the good side of a lopsided trade this morning:
FROM THE LEAGUE: "The following Trade Proposal has been accepted. Your league may now vote to veto the trade if you deem it to be an unfair trade.
Player: MULDER, MARK From Team: south side pride To Team: The Newbomb Turks
Player: RODRIGUEZ, ALEX From Team: south side pride To Team: The Newbomb Turks
Player: GRIFFEY JR., KEN From Team: The Newbomb Turks To Team: south side pride
Player: GUERRERO, VLADIMIR From Team: The Newbomb Turks To Team: south side pride
Player: MILLWOOD, KEVIN From Team: The Newbomb Turks To Team: south side pride"
FROM GLENN: "I am speechless."
FROM KENNY: "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!! scott, put down the aerosol can and stop inhaling."
FROM SCOTT: "if you have the balls to say i'm inhaling shit and so on why dont you have the balls to vote no on a trade...all is fair in love and war and in the end south side pride will kick all your asses."
FROM BARNEY: "I quit. Scott- you are a fucking retard."
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COX CABLE.
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Titty
Bars, Golfing Alligators, Alcohol, Inhaling Aerosol, The Creepometer,
Beth And I, Cox Cable, Guilt, and Medicare. |
Seems that my local cable company is living up to its name. Apparently,
they're going to remove HBO and the other premium channels from their
lineup--unless you get an upgrade to their pricier digital service.
If I was an old, nasty, retired curmudgeon, I'd write them a nice long complaint letter.
(Excuse me, but I'm not retired.)
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ALCOHOL.
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CREEPOMETER.
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| It's
quite intriguing how alcohol flows through almost all cultures.
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Beth
and I have devised the Creepometer. When we see something creepy on TV,
we just rate it on a creepy scale of 1 to 10. All we need to do now is
figure out how to pronounce it: creep-OH-meter or cree-POM-eter.
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2000-2004 by gja.
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