1) After 5 at-bats with my new
black softball socks, I have yet to get out or fall down.2) Beth paid someone $217 for
them to stick her dog with 4 needles, blow drops up his nose,
shove a cold thermometer in his rectum, and squeeze out a turd
sample by hand.
3) Besides the one from my
parents, the only birthday card I received this year was from my
life insurance agent, whom I've never met.
4) I voice-mailed my
boss Jim F today, telling him that I faked my code of conduct
certification.
5) This month's Randomly
Bizarre Email Award goes to Justin: "Doesn't Seymour
Beaver sound like a good name for an adult film star?"
6) Barney's new nickname is
Shrek.
7) Two days after I told Beth
that she might be too cocky at work, her bosses confiscated her
computer for emailing classified information.
8) I'm glad we rode in business
class when we took the train down to see U2 in Charlotte because
coach smelled like too many bodies and not enough air.
9) My parents once told me that
in the Middle Ages dogs were used as napkins, but I'm beginning
to think they lied to me just for sport.
10) My porn star kitty is suddenly
madly in love with the coffeemaker.
