Alright, I just went back and
re-read the original Introduction to this here
monster journal. And let me tell you,
that introduction contains some sucky-assed writing. I do believe it's
time to re-write that dangling piece of
crap.
First, the Original:
Okay, here's The Cheap Way To
Introduce Myself...
First the basics,
according to the internet Chat Room
Gods: a/s/l. For those of you
non-chatters, that stands for
"age/sex/location." People will type
"a/s/l" so they can get some kind of
idea who the hell they're chatting with.
Of course, lying and deception and
general underhandedness abound in chat
rooms, but for the most part, people are
fairly open about those three things.
Well, most of us are fairly open; I
often respond to such a question with
"134/yes/here." But when pressed, I tell
them I'm a 30-year-old male from
Virginia.
Beyond that simple description, I'm
also all of the following: married,
separated, semi-obsessed with U2,
employed as a drugstore manager, going
bald, a homeowner, a native of San
Diego, average-looking, a
sometimes-drunkard, a graduate of the
University of Virginia, level-headed,
without my contacts at the moment, a
softball player, skinny, and when you
get right down to it, lazy. I hate
admitting it, but it's true: I often
lack motivation and initiative. But
maybe my honesty makes up for that, huh?
Or maybe not.
Anyway, those are
the facts. Sorta. Some people also
describe me as a little off the wall,
but actually I'm fairly stable.
Weirdness is a pre-meditated attitude
and controlled state of expression. I
act kinda goofy sometimes, but that's
just one side of me. I'm just as
multi-faceted (and, for that matter,
just as shallow) as the next guy. Blah,
blah, blah, right?
Well, enough about
me. As you read the Days, you'll get a
better understanding of Who I Am and
What I'm About. Notice that I said a
"better" understanding. I believe it's
impossible to completely understand
someone. And that goes for one's self,
too, by the way (I know, I know, this
isn't a new idea, but if people just
remembered this a little more
often...).
Anyhow, now you know the
basics about the ol' Glennster (and now
you know my name as well).
I hope you enjoy the
ride. I may not always be enjoying it,
but as I always say: If it makes a good
story, then it's all worth
it.
And the Re-Write:
Okay, what the hell do you want to
know?
First the basics, I suppose.
If I really have to. Since I avoid
chat rooms like Max avoids showering, I
won't bore you with stupid computer
acronyms. Instead, I'll tell you this:
I'm 29 (and holding, for the 3rd
consecutive year), male-ish, and living
in the state of Virginia. Actually,
Virginia isn't a state, but rather a
commonwealth, which means that all
wealth is shared equally among 5% of the
state's population. And the rest of us
live on brown 'n' serve biscuits and
Country Time lemonade.
Beyond that simple
description, I'm also all of the
following: divorced, totally obsessed
with an aging Irish rock band, employed
as a retail babysitter, completely bald,
Barney's slumlord, a native of
Loserville, below-average-looking, often
a drunkard, a Wahoo, chemically
imbalanced, still without my contacts,
dropping too many balls in left field,
too skinny, and when you get right down
to it, very motivated. But I hide that
motivation behind total laziness.
Anyway, those are the facts.
Mostly. Some people also describe me
as a little off the wall
Well, they're
damn right. My grandparents were a
little off the wall too (it skips a
generation).
Well, that's way more than
enough about me. As you read the Days,
you'll probably have no idea of Who I Am
and What The Fuck I'm About. I sure
don't know. I believe it's impossible
to completely understand someone,
especially if you're dating them or if
they're living off bread and
lemon-flavored sugar water.
Anyhow, now I'm sure I've
completely bored you to death. Well,
tough.
I hope you enjoy the ride.
Actually, that's not true. I could care
less if you enjoy the ride. If you
don't enjoy it, then get the hell off.
You ain't paying for it anyway. I may
not always be enjoying it either, but as I
always say: If it makes a good story,
then post in on the internet and
embarrass the hell out of yourself. And
remember: There's a "lie" right in the
middle of "believe"
Hmm. Still sucky-assed.
