all-star break - (origin: Glenn) The special time of
the month during which no games can be played (see scrump).
bag-o-salad - (origin: Beth) Pre-made lazy man's
salad that is sold in a bag.
blocks - (origin: Beth) Beth's feet; derived from
Beth's self-described blockish feet.
Bob, Bobette, and The Boblets - (origin: Glenn) Beth
and Glenn's neighbor across the street, Bob, his wife (real name
unknown) and their three children (real names also unknown).
captain's chair, the - (origin: Glenn) The desirable
sofa seat with the right-hand drink holder, good lighting, and easy
stereo system access.
copy paper - (origin: Glenn) Toilet paper; named
after the "copy paper-like" Scott Bathroom Tissue.
cows - (origin: Beth) Beth's cow-patterned fuzzy
slippers.
death rods - (origin: Beth) Cigarettes.
Decko Joe - (origin: Glenn) The ceramic Mexican siesta
statue that sits on the deck; derived from "Taco Joe",
the resident taco-maker at Carlos O'Kelly's.
dirt bars - (origin: Glenn) Kellogg's Nutri-Grain
Bars; thus named for their dirt-like texture.
eyes - (origin: Glenn) Contact lenses.
faked potatoes - (origin: Beth) Any one of the
family of dehydrated potato products (instant mashed potatoes, boxed
scalloped potatoes, etc.).
flair - (origin: Beth) Glenn's wristband that he
wears during softball games; comes from the movie Office Space
in which Jennifer Aniston's character is accused of wearing the
"minimum amount of flair."
Freak, The - (origin: Glenn) Beth and Glenn's
backyard neighbor; nicknamed thus because of his affinity for lawn
gnomes, late-night leaf blowing, and a pseudo-religious stone garden
(see Pagan, The).
honk! - (origin: Beth) Common greeting between Beth
and Glenn; comes from an incident during which Beth awoke a very
hung-over Glenn by poking him in the ribs and yelling, "Honk!
Honk! Cab's leaving!"
jo - (origin: Glenn) Coffee; short for
"joe".
Kitty Kitone - (origin: Glenn) Nickname for Kitty;
meaning unknown.
L - (origin: Glenn) Laundry.
lair, the - (origin: Glenn) The family room/basement
area; shorthand for The Fully Functioning Babe Lair.
laundry sauce - (origin: Beth) Laundry detergent.
Lucas Pukas - (origin: Glenn) Nickname for Luke the
dog; meaning unknown, but possibly derived from Glenn's nonsensical
childhood saying, "Orangis Borangis, who cares?"
mantic - (origin: Beth) Short for
"romantic".
mantic couch - (origin: Beth) A love seat.
milk water - (origin: Glenn) Skim milk.
moóvie - (origin: Beth) A movie; the accent on the
first syllable is indigenous to the people of Woodbridge,
Virginia.
Mount Pillowmanjaro - (origin: Glenn) Any large
stack of pillows that is used to prop one's head up.
One-Eye - (origin: Glenn) Nickname for Kitty; comes
from the injury to her left eye in 2002.
Pagan, The - (origin: Glenn) Nickname for Beth and
Glenn's backyard neighbor (see Freak, The).
party hats - (origin: Glenn) Condoms.
pool, the - (origin: Beth) Luke the dog's oversized
water bowl.
pot - (origin: Beth) One's stomach, as in "pot
belly".
pot watch - (origin: Beth) A diet.
P.O.W. camp - (origin: Glenn) Prisoner Of Work camp;
specifically, the room in Beth's office building which has no
windows and in which "top secret" contracts and proposals
are completed.
release pellets - (origin: Beth) To defecate; most
commonly used in reference to Luke the dog.
Schmoo - (origin: Beth) Pet names Glenn and Beth
have for each other; derived from the Seinfeld episode in
which Jerry and his girlfriend call each other
"schmoopie".
scrump - (origin: Glenn) To have sex; the actual act
is sometimes called "scrumpies".
Spanish static - (origin: Glenn) The sound Beth's
clock-radio alarm makes in the morning; comes from the poor
reception of the Hispanic station to which Beth's clock-radio is
tuned.
stupid dumb game - (origin: Beth) The delightfully
easy game of golf.
teévee - (origin: Beth) The television (see moóvie).
toot-toot - (origin: Glenn) The cardboard roll
inside a roll of toilet paper or paper towels; derived from a
train's "toot-toot!" sound one can make when blowing
through the toot-toot.
Uncle Known - (origin: Glenn) A phone call that
comes up as "unknown" on caller ID, usually a
telemarketer.
wheatetti - (origin: Glenn) Wheat spaghetti.
